Whatnot

I've been thinking a lot about how stressed out I've been. Recently Greg asked me what I do to unwind. I had no answer. Life's just been too crazy, I rationalized. But after thinking about it all a bit I realized some things. A lot has changed in the last two years. I've walked through an enormous pardigm shift, moved twice (soon 3 times) added a kid to the mix and worked 3 very different "jobs." In many ways I've been trying to figure out what to do to make a living and then applying that label to the rest of me. And it's not fitting. I'd be very happy and, I feel, successful continuing my job in retail coffee sales/mgt. It's a pretty great job in a lot of ways. But at the core of it all I am still an artist. There really isn't anything that is going to change my desire to create, enjoy, and perform - whether it's theater, music, movies - whatever...Since I stopped working at the church here I don't do any of that. And so I resolve to play my guitar more, to get a job that will pay the bills and then to blow all of my graduation money on a computer so I can make mini-movies of my kids, my socks, and the fungus that grows in the corner of many garages...all for the sake of creating something...even better, in some way, I hope that I might create something that points to the Creator. An offering of art or song that shows my love for the One.

That's all.

my new label: Tim, an artist who happens to sell coffee. That'll do. For now. :-)

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Living in almost-land

It's someplace we've spent way too much time. It's that space in time where you aren't fully "here" where you are, but you aren't yet fully "there" either. It's a space where you distance yourself from your shallow friendships for fear that they might go deeper, and thus hurt more or require more work when you are finally "there." It's a space where there is no time for procrastination, yet the amount of things needing done is so overwhelming that one is often tempted to simply do nothing. It's a place that satan loves for us to be...waiting on something better and doing nothing. And yet it is a real place that in some ways feels almost escapable. And that is why I plan to never be in almost-land again...after I get done being there this time:-)

5 Facts:
1) I'm happiest when I'm creating something.
2) I hate saying goodbye.
3) I love being married.
4) I stink at sports...but enjoy watching them.
5) I am the second cheapest man in the world (my father is the first).



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My newest son got through to me today. Parents will know what I mean. At some point, usually earlier than this, the enormous love you have for your child overtakes you and somehow becomes much more real. They've got you. He didn't do anything but curl up on my chest...

Lack of sleep is catching up with me. I've probably also got a good case of family visiting overload. That will pass soon enough.

I've been thinking a lot about what to do career-wise. No big revelation to post...just that I've been thinking about that. I welcome your thoughts.

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Cole Timothy Wheeler
8:19 pm 7/9/03
8lbs. 3 oz.
20 1/2 inches long


Our God is so amazing.

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Our baby is scheduled to be born tomorrow (Wed) - very weird but a good thing. We go in at 7:30 and will hopefully have the baby by evening....I'll keep you posted.

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The event that shaped my yesterday -

A regular customer walked into Starbucks. I can't recall her name, but we've talked many times. A couple of months ago she shared how she was looking for part-time work because she and her husband were recently laid off. I spoke with her and she filled out an application for Starbucks...but ultimately decided to return to school. She walked in yesterday and I commented

"Haven't seen you for a while, huh?"
"Yeah, it's been a rough month."
"Oh (as I poured her coffee)?"
"Yes. We lost our son."
"Oh."
"He was 2 1/2...He, um, he died in his sleep."
"Oh God. I am so sorry."

we both left it at that, teary eyed. Kind of gives you perspective. I love my kids so much.

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