Tuesday, April 29, 2003
I feel as if I have much to say, but for some reason I'm hesitant. hmmm. . .
I have to go in and meet with the mgt. at the restaurant I'm kind of working at now. I didn't do well enough on my test of the menu (i didn't remember the ingredients of the soups or sauces...and I goofed on the kids menu abbreviations) so we'll see what that means. It's been a real struggle. On the one hand I try to do my best at everything and I've never really failed at anything job-wise. On the other hand, I've never not wanted a job this much...and so it is hard to really apply myself especially when I am just not that into Italian food. So we'll see how that works out. Either way I'll be fine with it...either, yipee, I have more income OR yipee, I don't have to worry about that menu anymore. If it falls through I might look into waiting tables at Applebee's or somewhere a little less demanding in terms of menu knowledge (my manager at Starbucks used to work for Applebee's so he has some connections).
We're still passionately praying about what God might have for us in the future. The pregancy is going well...at 7 months Melissa is hanging in there. Leo is doing great, though he is EXTREMELY curious and stubborn. Today I have the day off from work (except for this 'meeting' at the restaurant). Melissa is watching Sami and Sami's new baby sister Victoria at the Christian's house. I managed to mow the lawn and even bathe. How weird. It's nice to have some down time. I'm realizing what a grump I've been for the last few months. My poor wife!
***God help me find your joy***
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I have to go in and meet with the mgt. at the restaurant I'm kind of working at now. I didn't do well enough on my test of the menu (i didn't remember the ingredients of the soups or sauces...and I goofed on the kids menu abbreviations) so we'll see what that means. It's been a real struggle. On the one hand I try to do my best at everything and I've never really failed at anything job-wise. On the other hand, I've never not wanted a job this much...and so it is hard to really apply myself especially when I am just not that into Italian food. So we'll see how that works out. Either way I'll be fine with it...either, yipee, I have more income OR yipee, I don't have to worry about that menu anymore. If it falls through I might look into waiting tables at Applebee's or somewhere a little less demanding in terms of menu knowledge (my manager at Starbucks used to work for Applebee's so he has some connections).
We're still passionately praying about what God might have for us in the future. The pregancy is going well...at 7 months Melissa is hanging in there. Leo is doing great, though he is EXTREMELY curious and stubborn. Today I have the day off from work (except for this 'meeting' at the restaurant). Melissa is watching Sami and Sami's new baby sister Victoria at the Christian's house. I managed to mow the lawn and even bathe. How weird. It's nice to have some down time. I'm realizing what a grump I've been for the last few months. My poor wife!
***God help me find your joy***
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Sunday, April 20, 2003
I updated my template a bit. It's a little goofy now, but I widened the post space...which was my goal. I know enough html to be dangerous. :-)
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Happy Easter.
Apologies for the ill-timing of my last post. Good friday was not the greatest time for that. Sorry, guys.
I had a vision today. We were singing the song "Be Glorified" (A Chris Tomlin tune from Passion) at church and i saw a community of people, very large in number, singing that song. It was different than anything I'd experienced because this was a gathering of communities. There was this feeling that these people were SHARING their lives. And on this day they had come together to praise God. it's not that everyone knew everyone, but everyone was known. Everyone was pouring their hearts out to God. It was only a moment, but the vision was so real it brought tears to my eyes. And I felt the Spirit of God encouraging me to be a part of something like that...offering that vision as a light at the end of a tunnel...that corporate worship flowing out of the life of a true community is one of the most beautiful and moving things. Honestly, had the vision continued or had I personally experienced that I would have been brought to my knees sobbing. It truly moved me that much. and as I re-read what I just wrote, I realize that words can't really explain this vision...but I thought I would share it anyway.
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Apologies for the ill-timing of my last post. Good friday was not the greatest time for that. Sorry, guys.
I had a vision today. We were singing the song "Be Glorified" (A Chris Tomlin tune from Passion) at church and i saw a community of people, very large in number, singing that song. It was different than anything I'd experienced because this was a gathering of communities. There was this feeling that these people were SHARING their lives. And on this day they had come together to praise God. it's not that everyone knew everyone, but everyone was known. Everyone was pouring their hearts out to God. It was only a moment, but the vision was so real it brought tears to my eyes. And I felt the Spirit of God encouraging me to be a part of something like that...offering that vision as a light at the end of a tunnel...that corporate worship flowing out of the life of a true community is one of the most beautiful and moving things. Honestly, had the vision continued or had I personally experienced that I would have been brought to my knees sobbing. It truly moved me that much. and as I re-read what I just wrote, I realize that words can't really explain this vision...but I thought I would share it anyway.
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Friday, April 18, 2003
So...I've been thinking about some things for a couple of weeks now. Last fall, Phil and I were discussing our absolute frustration with the nature of consumerism in America, particularly in American suburbs. Ultimately, one of us said, "to hell with the suburbs." Disturbing I know. At that time I thought I thought it was valid. Upon further thought I am even more disturbed and even more convinced that the previous statement is 100% wrong if not evil. 80% of America's population lives in cities or suburbs. What's more, it was estimated in the 90's that by the early 21st century (NOW) more than half of the U.S. population would reside in suburbs. Growth in nonfarm rural residents has been moderate or negative for the last 50 years. Let's face it...most people live in the suburbs. Why? After looking into various housing choices I can tell you why...because it's cheaper, safer, and cleaner among other things. The schools are better too. To live in an apartment in many cities costs twice what it would 30 miles out of the city...and there are an alarming number of bars on first floor windows and doors. The crime index is invariably higher. The schools are ok at best and often an absolute embarassment to the community. So how could I possibly say "to hell with the suburbs?" Who has more issues with consumerism...the suburbanite or the young professional paying 2k/mo for a 2 bedroom apt. with bars on the window? I am oversimplifying the issues, I know. Consumerism is an American disease with which my wife, myself, and even our 2 year-old son are infected. But it is not a suburban issue.
let me know your thoughts on all of this...i'm still processing (and a big part of me still doesn't like the suburbs...not sure why).
-
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let me know your thoughts on all of this...i'm still processing (and a big part of me still doesn't like the suburbs...not sure why).
-
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Thursday, April 17, 2003
Lots of things perking in my head nowadays. Nothing I care to blog about at this point (my blog has been kind of where everything ends up first...before I even think about it too much). I start training for Carrabba's this weekend. Waiting tables. wahoo! God is taking care of us. Ultimately, we desire nothing more than to hear his voice.
***Lord, speak to us, open our hearts, give us wisdom***
Tim
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***Lord, speak to us, open our hearts, give us wisdom***
Tim
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Tuesday, April 15, 2003
What a difference a month makes.
I was noticing my March13th blog. And then I was noticing my most recent blog...4-14. What a difference a month makes. I guess we haven't made a commitment to stay here...who knows what the future holds? (no need to answer that, thank you).
I've been fairly depressed. Melissa is giving me two weeks and then she said she's making me get medication. I must be a real pain right now. But medication could be fun, right? What a horrible thing to joke about (for the record, Melissa is not joking...I am to be happy by Sunday the 27th or I'll have a doctors appointment). Why do I make so many parenthetical comments (it's a good question, really, if you think about it)?
Gotta get some sleep...The district manager will be at the coffee shop tomorrow...and I have an interview for waiting tables tomorrow afternoon.
i'm out.
---
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I was noticing my March13th blog. And then I was noticing my most recent blog...4-14. What a difference a month makes. I guess we haven't made a commitment to stay here...who knows what the future holds? (no need to answer that, thank you).
I've been fairly depressed. Melissa is giving me two weeks and then she said she's making me get medication. I must be a real pain right now. But medication could be fun, right? What a horrible thing to joke about (for the record, Melissa is not joking...I am to be happy by Sunday the 27th or I'll have a doctors appointment). Why do I make so many parenthetical comments (it's a good question, really, if you think about it)?
Gotta get some sleep...The district manager will be at the coffee shop tomorrow...and I have an interview for waiting tables tomorrow afternoon.
i'm out.
---
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Monday, April 14, 2003
meltdown time
well - hmm. Last night was a breaking point. Melissa and I just melted down. Honestly, I haven't cried that hard in some time. All kinds of things brought this on - mostly just stress about our future. I'm still somewhat angry with God and frustrated in general. As we look around the D.C. area we are continually met with this realization that we can't afford to live here. It is simply beyond our means. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means. And perhaps in the end we'll simply land near wherever it is that I get promoted too (IF I do in fact, get promoted). But what if we have choices...on the salary I would make living in D.C. is kind of a dream as far as I can tell. And so the thoughts creep in...God, should we land somewhere else? Cincinnati? Syracuse? Atlanta? What the HECK are you doing God? I've heard the whole "love God and do what you will" speech...I believe it for the most part. But I can't answer that question in the midst of all these variables. How can I best love God?
Yes, we wept last night. Tears of sadness for our lack of spiritual discipline, tears of fear for feelings of inadequacy, tears of frustration from impatient servants.
***God, here are our lives...do what you will.***
-
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well - hmm. Last night was a breaking point. Melissa and I just melted down. Honestly, I haven't cried that hard in some time. All kinds of things brought this on - mostly just stress about our future. I'm still somewhat angry with God and frustrated in general. As we look around the D.C. area we are continually met with this realization that we can't afford to live here. It is simply beyond our means. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means. And perhaps in the end we'll simply land near wherever it is that I get promoted too (IF I do in fact, get promoted). But what if we have choices...on the salary I would make living in D.C. is kind of a dream as far as I can tell. And so the thoughts creep in...God, should we land somewhere else? Cincinnati? Syracuse? Atlanta? What the HECK are you doing God? I've heard the whole "love God and do what you will" speech...I believe it for the most part. But I can't answer that question in the midst of all these variables. How can I best love God?
Yes, we wept last night. Tears of sadness for our lack of spiritual discipline, tears of fear for feelings of inadequacy, tears of frustration from impatient servants.
***God, here are our lives...do what you will.***
-
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Monday, April 07, 2003
Just when you thought I'd fallen off the blogging face of the universe...I'm back.
I just read todd hunter's blog...talking about discipline (www.toddhunter.blogspot.com). It's odd because yesterday, as I was mowing the lawn (a very special and rare moment of contemplation for me...honest), I was thinking about exactly what he has written. Have you ever noticed how sometimes God brings things up over and over again...and at some point we open our eyes and are like "oh...I see!" One of those moments.
no second job yet. Honestly, I'm less than excited about more 60 hour weeks. But bills must be payed.
Am I completely crazy? I'm convinced that many of the people who have known me for years must think I have lost it. My family and my accomplished colleagues, my former class mates...they all must think I'm nuts. Or a failure. It's kind of awkward living with that feeling sometimes...I'm sure this call to plant missional communities is from God and I see no other means of doing so other than pursuing an alternative career path for income. But it's not that easily explained to some. Some will say I have failed. Maybe I have. Maybe I am completely insane. If that's so, please don't tell me though. I'm starting to get the hang of living with this calling...I'm starting to hope that it might come to fruition at some point in the relatively near future. The last thing I need is to realize I'm simply out of my mind.
please pray that God would make a way for us to land in the city. We really like D.C. but even with a promotion we would need to find bottom of the barrel prices for housing (we're talking 1100/mo for a 2 BR).
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I just read todd hunter's blog...talking about discipline (www.toddhunter.blogspot.com). It's odd because yesterday, as I was mowing the lawn (a very special and rare moment of contemplation for me...honest), I was thinking about exactly what he has written. Have you ever noticed how sometimes God brings things up over and over again...and at some point we open our eyes and are like "oh...I see!" One of those moments.
no second job yet. Honestly, I'm less than excited about more 60 hour weeks. But bills must be payed.
Am I completely crazy? I'm convinced that many of the people who have known me for years must think I have lost it. My family and my accomplished colleagues, my former class mates...they all must think I'm nuts. Or a failure. It's kind of awkward living with that feeling sometimes...I'm sure this call to plant missional communities is from God and I see no other means of doing so other than pursuing an alternative career path for income. But it's not that easily explained to some. Some will say I have failed. Maybe I have. Maybe I am completely insane. If that's so, please don't tell me though. I'm starting to get the hang of living with this calling...I'm starting to hope that it might come to fruition at some point in the relatively near future. The last thing I need is to realize I'm simply out of my mind.
please pray that God would make a way for us to land in the city. We really like D.C. but even with a promotion we would need to find bottom of the barrel prices for housing (we're talking 1100/mo for a 2 BR).
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