Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Well, I'm tired, but I thought I would throw some stuff up here. Tomorrow will be a fourth day in a row opening at Starbucks. It wears me out, but I do love the job. I honestly wish I could make a living doing it. We're still working to figure out that whole "making a living" thing. God will show us a way.
I think I need to die to myself more. I have to daily let go of old dreams and ambitions, thoughts of "success" or "respect." I always told people I would be a worship leader (a program director/band leader). I could do it too. In college I only led worship (Christian College) at chapel one time. I always felt this prompting of God saying "not yet...just wait." And so I at some point had grand illusions of "making it" in some church somewhere. I look back on that and hang my head in shame. Not to say that being a worship leader is bad, but my ambitions were bad. All those things would bring pride to my family and I would gain the respect of old peers. But that is not what I am called to do. And so I go about this mission, following a vision of simplicity, somewhere under the radar...something almost illogical...something that God must resurrect.
***Lord, make me fully Yours. Help me to die to me, that I might live. God help me move beyond any division between sacred and secular in my life. Be glorified in me, oh Great God. You must increase, I must decrease.***
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I think I need to die to myself more. I have to daily let go of old dreams and ambitions, thoughts of "success" or "respect." I always told people I would be a worship leader (a program director/band leader). I could do it too. In college I only led worship (Christian College) at chapel one time. I always felt this prompting of God saying "not yet...just wait." And so I at some point had grand illusions of "making it" in some church somewhere. I look back on that and hang my head in shame. Not to say that being a worship leader is bad, but my ambitions were bad. All those things would bring pride to my family and I would gain the respect of old peers. But that is not what I am called to do. And so I go about this mission, following a vision of simplicity, somewhere under the radar...something almost illogical...something that God must resurrect.
***Lord, make me fully Yours. Help me to die to me, that I might live. God help me move beyond any division between sacred and secular in my life. Be glorified in me, oh Great God. You must increase, I must decrease.***
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Monday, February 24, 2003
I posted some stuff earlier. It was garbage. I am sorry. It was just divisive and no good. I deleted it.
***Lord, change me. Open my eyes and my heart to Your truth. Give me courage and wisdom. Show me how to be invisible so that you might lead through me***
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***Lord, change me. Open my eyes and my heart to Your truth. Give me courage and wisdom. Show me how to be invisible so that you might lead through me***
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Saturday, February 22, 2003
I always hate it when people post lyrics on their blog. still, this song says so much it just captures my heart - post your thoughts via comments.
The Way of the Cross
Written by: Matt Redman
VERSE:
Show me the way of the cross once again
Denying myself for the love that I've gained
Everything's You now, everything's changed,
It's time You had my whole life;
You can have it all.
(Yes,) I resolve to give it all;
Some things must die,
Some things must live.
Not, "What can I gain,"
But, "What can I give?"
If much is required when much is recieved,
Then You can have my whole life;
Jesus, have it all.
I've given like a beggar but lived like the rich
And crafted myself a more comfortable cross,
Yet what I am called to is deeper than this,
It's time You had my whole life;
You can have it all.
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The Way of the Cross
Written by: Matt Redman
VERSE:
Show me the way of the cross once again
Denying myself for the love that I've gained
Everything's You now, everything's changed,
It's time You had my whole life;
You can have it all.
(Yes,) I resolve to give it all;
Some things must die,
Some things must live.
Not, "What can I gain,"
But, "What can I give?"
If much is required when much is recieved,
Then You can have my whole life;
Jesus, have it all.
I've given like a beggar but lived like the rich
And crafted myself a more comfortable cross,
Yet what I am called to is deeper than this,
It's time You had my whole life;
You can have it all.
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Friday, February 21, 2003
I think I mis-spoke. I am not so much encouraged as I am ready. Ready to jump that is. Somehow knowing that there are multiple supportive places to jump has me so ready to do just that....jump. JUMP? you say. Yes. Jump in head first and go for it ("it" being this vision of planting a network of simple churches). I have no idea where we might jump. But when God let's me know, I'm ready to jump.
That's all.
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That's all.
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I am encouraged today. Very much encouraged. Not so much because I have a clue as to the details God has for me in the future, but because I know He will let me know in time.
Wednesday I had a chance to sit down with Mark (Journey's Crossing pastor) and talk, dream, and share together. It was really great to know that in spite of our differing visions (and at their core they aren't THAT different), he and Journey's Crossing would desire to bless this calling we have to simple church.
Today (Friday)_I met Jeff from the DC Vineyard. It was really cool to sit down and get to know one another and dream a little about what God might do. More than anything, Jeff was just really encouraging to talk to.
It's lonely when you're chasing a dream God has laid on your heart. But today I am encouraged.
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Wednesday I had a chance to sit down with Mark (Journey's Crossing pastor) and talk, dream, and share together. It was really great to know that in spite of our differing visions (and at their core they aren't THAT different), he and Journey's Crossing would desire to bless this calling we have to simple church.
Today (Friday)_I met Jeff from the DC Vineyard. It was really cool to sit down and get to know one another and dream a little about what God might do. More than anything, Jeff was just really encouraging to talk to.
It's lonely when you're chasing a dream God has laid on your heart. But today I am encouraged.
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Thursday, February 20, 2003
Check out www.next-wave.org. This is an excerpt that really speaks to/from my heart. It's in a great article by Mike Bishop:
"We are not suggesting a new ‘model’ for church to be reproduced indiscriminately. And we are certainly not saying that corporate church gatherings are wrong and should be abandoned. We are attempting, by word and deed, to break once and for all the separation between sacred and secular, between faith and life."
It absolutely speaks for itself and so I will cease speaking.
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"We are not suggesting a new ‘model’ for church to be reproduced indiscriminately. And we are certainly not saying that corporate church gatherings are wrong and should be abandoned. We are attempting, by word and deed, to break once and for all the separation between sacred and secular, between faith and life."
It absolutely speaks for itself and so I will cease speaking.
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Monday, February 17, 2003
Man, 20+ inches of snow here. I went to take Leo out to play and stepped out the back door up to my mid-thigh (picture my thigh as you read this). Leo stepped in and lost his boot. I shoveled us a little space to stand so we could snap a few quick pictures. Totally unreal.
It's all compounded by a sort of winter funk I've fallen into. It is currently manifesting itself in the form of grand apathy. I hope my pregnant wife is strong enough to handle it. I'm a real pain to live with right now.
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It's all compounded by a sort of winter funk I've fallen into. It is currently manifesting itself in the form of grand apathy. I hope my pregnant wife is strong enough to handle it. I'm a real pain to live with right now.
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Sunday, February 16, 2003
Man oh man, is it ever snowing here. 4 inches yesterday and 8-14 more today. Then even more is coming tonight. Crazy Crazy. I think I'll try and take the little one out in the back yard and let him tromp around a bit. Other than that, it's time to cozy up in doors. Heck we even canceled church today.
What is the point in blogging? At first I found it extremely gratifying - It's a cool way to keep up with people you don't know that well, get a feel for where they're at, what they're going through. It's nice to just outright say things that I might otherwise not say. But for some reason it just seems so "blah." Any thoughts? Maybe I'll just never blog again (it sure is a good thing I'm not sarcastic or melodramatic).
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What is the point in blogging? At first I found it extremely gratifying - It's a cool way to keep up with people you don't know that well, get a feel for where they're at, what they're going through. It's nice to just outright say things that I might otherwise not say. But for some reason it just seems so "blah." Any thoughts? Maybe I'll just never blog again (it sure is a good thing I'm not sarcastic or melodramatic).
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Friday, February 14, 2003
I went out to dinner with my lovely bride this evening. We had a great time- red lobster is good stuff. It's nice to go out alone now and again. Really nice. We ate and talked and talked some more. It was fantastic. Really, really, really great.
That's about it.
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That's about it.
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Thursday, February 13, 2003
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Sonogram last night! It's a boy! I can't imagine what it will be like with two little boys! But I'm excited to think about a clubhouse without pink curtains. AhHhhh, dreams.
e-mail me if you want mrtimwheeler@yahoo.com
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e-mail me if you want mrtimwheeler@yahoo.com
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Sunday, February 09, 2003
Words and Music Matt Redman (C) 2000 blah blah blah Post script following lyrics is mine all mine (mostly)
Justice and Mercy
The kind of fast you've chosen Lord,
it must reach out
To broken lives and to the poor
Come change me, Lord
I know you are the orphan's hope,
I know you are the widow's song,
O Lord, You're shoing me what's on Your heart
You've put a new song in my mouth,
It is a hymn of praise to You;
Justice and mercy are its theme,
and I will live it back to You.
Lord, I won't bring an empty song;
it's meaningless
Without compassion in my life and holiness.
You're Father where no father lives,
and to the lonely You're a friend.
O Lord, You're showing me what's on Your heart.
____________________________
***O God, put your song in my heart, and let me truly live it back to you. Lord please help me find a way to be next to, to speak to, to care for, to simply love the widow, the orphan, the fatherless, the addicted, the hurting, and on and on and on...'Come change me, Lord.'***
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Justice and Mercy
The kind of fast you've chosen Lord,
it must reach out
To broken lives and to the poor
Come change me, Lord
I know you are the orphan's hope,
I know you are the widow's song,
O Lord, You're shoing me what's on Your heart
You've put a new song in my mouth,
It is a hymn of praise to You;
Justice and mercy are its theme,
and I will live it back to You.
Lord, I won't bring an empty song;
it's meaningless
Without compassion in my life and holiness.
You're Father where no father lives,
and to the lonely You're a friend.
O Lord, You're showing me what's on Your heart.
____________________________
***O God, put your song in my heart, and let me truly live it back to you. Lord please help me find a way to be next to, to speak to, to care for, to simply love the widow, the orphan, the fatherless, the addicted, the hurting, and on and on and on...'Come change me, Lord.'***
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Phil makes me think. His saturday post is something to be read (see link on left side). I wonder if I struggle with feeling/knowing/living in God's love? When I ask myself that, I know the answer is yes. But this world makes me so busy I don't really miss it. Wow. Now that's hard to say. I do miss it, in the sense that I long for it. I simply am unaware of my longings.
Phil, you've got me thinking Nouwen now, and though I haven't read as much of him as you, I think he has an answer for my problem. In "Making All Things New" he urges us to take time in solitude and community...to establish a sort of conversational rhythm with God through those things that allows us to hear God. (I'm probably grossly miscommunicating this) - So my problem is just to try to hear him and know him...then I can realize my struggle with living in His overwhelming love.
***God forgive me when I doubt the call you've place in my life. God forgive me when I stay away from you. God forgive me when I work too much. God forgive me. God forgive me.***
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Phil, you've got me thinking Nouwen now, and though I haven't read as much of him as you, I think he has an answer for my problem. In "Making All Things New" he urges us to take time in solitude and community...to establish a sort of conversational rhythm with God through those things that allows us to hear God. (I'm probably grossly miscommunicating this) - So my problem is just to try to hear him and know him...then I can realize my struggle with living in His overwhelming love.
***God forgive me when I doubt the call you've place in my life. God forgive me when I stay away from you. God forgive me when I work too much. God forgive me. God forgive me.***
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Friday, February 07, 2003
well, back in the saddle. The short story - I reformatted my hard drive and in the process couldn't get my modem to work. My good friend jeff came over to fix it...and ultimately said "heck with it, take my modem instead." What a guy. Thanks jeff.
What a week. Monday it all came down. After a string of dissappointments along the "where the H are we moving" front, Monday just broke the camel's proverbial back. I called the Starbucks in Syracuse (all two of them) expecting at least the hope of transferring with ease. Unfortunately they have WAY too many people and can't use me really at all right now. I called Melissa immediately...I was crushed (pathetic, I know). See, we had made a plan - move by march. We had even put it off - move by mid-march. We were crunching numbers, making budgets, figuring out how we could pay all our bills. And every step of the way, we faltered. Monday was the crowning jewel in our discouragement.
We both had it out with God that afternoon. I was so mad at Him. Melissa was even more angry; confused also. Why this burden, this call to go and plant house-churches, why the northeast - even more, if that's been so evident, then HOW?!?!
And then....we were humbled. Monday evening we received a call...a freak chain of events brought Sami, the little girl Melissa provided care for last year, back to our house. A real shot in the arm for our budget (and a real happy time for our own little guy - he just loves sami). And then I got the mail. A refund check from school...enough for one months bills.
So we were asking God "How can we make it for the next year?" and he said...I'll take care of you this month, relax. I know that He will let us know what the future holds. And until he does, he will provide for us. I've been such a jerk about the whole thing.
--What an awesome God we have.
Does anybody read this? I'm becoming a blogger. It's a process though - I now regularly check a few blogs. Kevin, there is so much great stuff in your last weeks worth of blogs, I can't thank you enough for it. It's conversation that doesn't happen here and perhaps it should. I'm exhausted, simply exhausted from doing ministry the way I have been these past 9 months. Worse than that, I don't feel good about what I've done- only meaning all that I've worked for isn't intricately a part of the vision God has placed on my heart. This is not a self-deprecating thing at all, nor am I "down on" or resentful of the people I've worked with. I love them. That said, I thrive on mission, on vision; I thrive when I am working with a God given passion about something. And I haven't had that for some time which is why I feel the urgency to leave. But that will happen in God's time. For now I'll do my best to live that passion here and now, and live vicariously through those of you who are doing cool stuff.
More to come, but for now...
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What a week. Monday it all came down. After a string of dissappointments along the "where the H are we moving" front, Monday just broke the camel's proverbial back. I called the Starbucks in Syracuse (all two of them) expecting at least the hope of transferring with ease. Unfortunately they have WAY too many people and can't use me really at all right now. I called Melissa immediately...I was crushed (pathetic, I know). See, we had made a plan - move by march. We had even put it off - move by mid-march. We were crunching numbers, making budgets, figuring out how we could pay all our bills. And every step of the way, we faltered. Monday was the crowning jewel in our discouragement.
We both had it out with God that afternoon. I was so mad at Him. Melissa was even more angry; confused also. Why this burden, this call to go and plant house-churches, why the northeast - even more, if that's been so evident, then HOW?!?!
And then....we were humbled. Monday evening we received a call...a freak chain of events brought Sami, the little girl Melissa provided care for last year, back to our house. A real shot in the arm for our budget (and a real happy time for our own little guy - he just loves sami). And then I got the mail. A refund check from school...enough for one months bills.
So we were asking God "How can we make it for the next year?" and he said...I'll take care of you this month, relax. I know that He will let us know what the future holds. And until he does, he will provide for us. I've been such a jerk about the whole thing.
--What an awesome God we have.
Does anybody read this? I'm becoming a blogger. It's a process though - I now regularly check a few blogs. Kevin, there is so much great stuff in your last weeks worth of blogs, I can't thank you enough for it. It's conversation that doesn't happen here and perhaps it should. I'm exhausted, simply exhausted from doing ministry the way I have been these past 9 months. Worse than that, I don't feel good about what I've done- only meaning all that I've worked for isn't intricately a part of the vision God has placed on my heart. This is not a self-deprecating thing at all, nor am I "down on" or resentful of the people I've worked with. I love them. That said, I thrive on mission, on vision; I thrive when I am working with a God given passion about something. And I haven't had that for some time which is why I feel the urgency to leave. But that will happen in God's time. For now I'll do my best to live that passion here and now, and live vicariously through those of you who are doing cool stuff.
More to come, but for now...
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